Api’s Berlin Diaries

After her mother’s death, Gabrielle Robinson found two diaries her grandfather had kept while serving as doctor during the fall of Berlin 1945. He recorded his daily struggle to survive in the ruined city—“I creep out at 10 o’clock at night to the clinic under whistling grenades and bombs, a wilderness of fire and dust, behind it, although already high in sky, the blood red moon”—and attempts to do what little he could for the wounded and dying without water, light, bedding, and medications. But then the diaries revealed something that had never been mentioned in her family, and it hit Robinson like a punch to the stomach: Api, her beloved grandfather, had been a Nazi.

In this clear-eyed memoir, Robinson juxtaposes her grandfather’s harrowing account of his experiences during the war with her memories of his loving protection years afterward, and raises disturbing questions about the political responsibility we all carry as individuals. Moving and provocative, Api’s Berlin Diaries offers a firsthand and personal perspective on the far-reaching aftershocks of the Third Reich—and the author’s own inconvenient past.

Author: Gabrielle Robinson
Publication Date: September 15, 2020

 

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“As a record of post-war tribulation, Api’s Berlin Diaries is a poignant social history; as a search for an elusive, multifaceted grandfather, it’s a fascinating labyrinth.”
Foreword Reviews, 5/5 stars

Api’s Berlin Diaries is Gabrielle Robinson’s love letter to her German grandfather, based on the diary he kept at the end of World War II while he was separated from his family. It is also a reckoning with her grandfather’s complicated history as a member of the Nazi party, and offers compelling insights into Nazi Germany and the end of the Third Reich. Robinson’s honesty, courage, and intelligence are crucial in coming to grips with questions of individual responsibility and collective guilt.”
—Helen Fremont, author of The Escape Artist and After Long Silence

“A fascinating and admirably honest account of a woman’s journey to reconcile her love for her grandfather with his membership of the Nazi party . . . This is a must-read for anyone interested in the German experience during WWII.”
—Ariana Neumann, author of When Time Stopped

“Robinson has written a riveting account of the journey of discovery she made in order to come to terms with a much-loved grandfather, whom she discovered long after his death to have been a card-carrying member of the Nazi Party.”
—Giles MacDonogh, British historian and author of After the Reich

“Robinson’s account of the war years, and living in bombed out ruins, are riveting . . . The book adds to our slowly accumulating knowledge of that the war looked like from ‘the other side’ and takes its place beside books like Sebalds’s On the Natural History of Destruction and Beevor’s The Fall of Berlin 1945.”
—Notre Dame Review​

“Robinson’s story brings up questions in my own life. What would I do if I were confronted with a situation that is obviously wrong and possibly evil? How would I feel about a member of my own family who played such a questionable role during such a dark period of history? I don’t have an answer to these questions. I have compassion for Gabrielle Robinson’s struggle to understand her grandfather’s life. This is not a book I will forget any time soon. The story and the questions stay with me.”
—Story Circle Book Reviews

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